I wish I had more time to really think about this post because it's something that is very real in my life right now. My internet time is limited since we don't have it at our new house yet and I really just want to get my thoughts on "paper" before they get lost in the fog of pregnancy and motherhood...
This has been a trying time for our family, starting a new business, our home remodel, an unexpected pregnancy, and just regular life on top of it all. We keep reminding ourselves that noone makes money the first year in business but remembering that doesn't pay the bills...ya know? We are walking by faith, confident that this is where God wants us. Making us work...hard. Making us grateful...for every little thing. Making us trust...when it looks hopeless. I look and realize how ungrateful and ugly I have been in the past. Always wishing for more money, more stuff, more, more, more. When, in reality, we had an over abundance. So much. I see it now. I wish I had seen it then.
Times are different now. We are relying on the Lord's goodness every day. It's a humbling place to be. It's all good stuff that is happening. There are worse places to be in life. We are self employed, have a beautiful house with minimal debt, blessed with 3 boys and another pregnancy. Nothing is bad in our life. Money is just tight. And that's okay. I'm learning that it's okay. Money doesn't buy happiness...just stuff that I don't need anyway. The best thing is seeing first hand how the Lord provides. Over the years I have seen crazy things in other's lives ..."Whoa...they gave you a car?" , "she is paying for your raw milk?" , "your dad helped out with Christmas and medical bills?" , "wow, that's all amazing!" Seeing these things in our lives has been...um, amazing! When it looks like there's no way we are going to make it....something unexpected happens. I'm humbled. I lay awake at night scheming ways to bring in more money or to shift this or that to make things work and in the end it's not my bright ideas that bring us through....it's God and His timing and His crazy, lovely ways that gets us to the next month.
I feel like we are being pruned. It isn't pleasant and hasn't been comfortable at all...but it's necessary and beautiful. I don't ever again want to look back and think "man, I had it so good and didn't know it." Even now, I have so much. I realize what a great life I have and I am grateful. It's an art that I hope to always be perfecting.